I had a mini breakdown (and only coffee survived)

Sue Quinney
Jul 30
3 min read

I'll be honest with you - I recently had a bit of a moment, you may have read about it on social media. Not a spiritual awakening, not a zen realisation in a candlelit bath. No, this was more of a full-volume, coffee fuelled, "what-the-actual-hell-am-I-doing" breakdown with a side of emotional whiplash.

It all started - as most things do - with me doing far too much, juggling too many balls, for far too long. Surviving on latte and cake and hardly any water. (Seriously, who has time to plan healthy meals when there's a business to run, crystals to charge, boxes to pack, duties as a carer, wife, mother and Granny?)

I was burning the candle at both ends ...... and in the middle. And probably using the melted wax to try and hold everything together.

I THOUGHT I WAS JUST TIRED

Nope.

Turns out, I was completely disconnected from myself.

I was so busy helping others - running retreats, answering messages, planning workshops, being the reliable one, the strong one, the 'you-aways-have-it-together' one - that i forgot to check in with the woman in the mirror. The one who hadn't stopped long enough to ask:

"What do I actually need?"

Spoiler alert: The answer was not another to do list, or a Facebook post about finding my inner goddess when mine had clearly packed a suitcase and gone on holiday without me.

THE BREAKING POINT?

It wasn't a dramatic moment. No thunderbolt. No spiritual download from the universe. It was me sat on the sofa, staring into my cup of coffee, wearing my pjs and whispering "I can't do this anymore."

Then I cried. Properly cried. Ugly cried.

Mascara-down-your-face (luckily, I don't wear it), snotty kind of crying.

This continued for days, ok, weeks, and once I had emptied the tank, I sat there numb.

Eventually, something cracked open. There was no woo-woo moment, in actual fact, Joseph (my spirit guide) had stepped back and told me to rest. I realised I wasn't broken, I had been running on empty for months and pretending everything was fine.

SO I STOPPED.

Just for a bit.

I unplugged ( I made my excuses, I retreated for spiritual maintenance.) I closed the shop, cancelled events, I withdrew. I let myself rest. I felt all the feels. I journaled like a love struck teenager. I stopped pretending I had it all together. I cried some more.

AND YOU KNOW WHAT?

The world didn't end. Nobody was disappointed. And I remembered something really important.

I matter too.

Not just the version of me who helps, holds space, creates, delivers, and gets sh*t done.

The real me. The messy one. The tired one. The one who sometimes needs to fall apart before she can come back stronger.

Slowly, I started feeling a little more like me. I took myself on walks. I reduced my coffee intake. I started fasting. I started to listen to my needs and began to love myself again.